Your Happiness First! : A Deprogramming Guide for Parents

Brainwashed into an ‘Others First’ Mindset

We often find ourselves in the position of prioritizing someone’s happiness above all. This selfless act shows our love and care, but it’s essential to recognize that we too deserve some level of prioritization. As spiritual coach Louise Hay famously said, "You are someone too." This simple reminder holds profound significance, particularly when we consider how our own attitudes and habits influence our children.

Lessons from My Trip to Japan

During my current trip to Japan, I encountered an eye-opening moment that elegantly sums up this struggle. Upon browsing through a collection of beautifully scented hand creams, I gave my daughter the chance to choose one as a souvenir. Faced with five hand creams, three of which had floral scents, she chose one of the floral options—even though it wasn’t her first choice. She said ‘I want to leave a wider variety for others, ensuring they could pick their favorites too’. While I admired her thoughtfulness, I was left feeling a tinge of disappointment. Wasn’t the whole point of this gift meant for her to enjoy her first choice?

Reflecting back, I realized that this demeanor—putting others first—was learned, and likely stemmed from my own behaviors. It highlighted a critical lesson that I had inadvertently taught her: the importance of others' happiness over her own. Did I model a mentality that encourages self-sacrifice rather than self-love? It’s a wake-up call not just for me but for all parents striving to nurture a happy and fulfilled next generation.

Encouraging First Choices

The main takeaway from this experience is the necessity of actively prioritizing our happiness. When children see us practicing self-care and demonstrating that we are individuals with our own needs, it will empower them to do the same.

As parents, we are the models for our children, guiding them to make choices based on their own preferences and happiness. I understand that my daughter finds joy in seeing others happy—I feel the same way. At the same time, I wanted her to choose her favorite scent, because her happiness would make me happy too. When it comes to something as small as picking a hand cream, her kindness is admirable. But what about bigger decisions, like choosing a school, a home, or even a spouse? That’s why we, as parents, need to show them that sometimes, it’s okay to put our own desires first. By doing so, we teach them that prioritizing their happiness isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Ultimately, it’s about setting the right balance. Make an effort to embrace both your needs and the needs of those around you. When you teach your children that their happiness matters just as much as everyone else's, they will grow into self-assured individuals capable of leading their “first choice” lives with confidence and authenticity.