Why You Can’t Love Your Child : A Guide to Happier Parenting

Do you love yourself?

Parenting is a rewarding yet challenging journey, and one of the crucial components of effective parenting is self-love. This concept might sound simple, yet for many, including myself, it can be a struggle. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect to share love with your children? The general remedy for regaining self-love often encourages individuals to make conscious efforts and to be confident in their outcomes. However, for those who have faced deeper emotional challenges, this approach may not suffice.

What is the Root of Self-Hate

According to Taizo Kato, Japanese professor emeritus of Waseda University, self-hate can stem from unconscious burying by parents. This notion does not necessarily imply that parents are overtly abusive or neglectful. In many cases, like mine, parents may act unconsciously or inadvertently.

For example, my mother was overly angry and strict when she taught me piano, although I tried my best to copy her instruction. My parents always praise my talented brother, while failing to recognize the efforts of me. They didn’t allow me to choose favorite outfit and hairstyles. Such actions can lead a child to feel unworthy and deprived of the love they deserve, even if that wasn’t the intention. In my situation, I mistakenly attributed my parents' behavior to conservatism rather than recognizing the impact it had on my self-esteem.

How to Find Your Way Back to Self-Love

Realizing the roots of self-hate is the first step toward healing. I wish I could have done this earlier. By acknowledging this invisible burden, it becomes possible to begin the journey of forgetting, forgiving, and ultimately loving yourself. This process is paramount. When we have sufficient self-love, we can share generosity, patience, and kindness with our little ones.

The journey to regaining self-love isn’t always straightforward, but it is worthwhile. Being kinder to yourself and recognizing your worth can transform your parenting experience. The happier you become with yourself, the more joy you can pass on to your children. By understanding the impact of your upbringing and breaking free from the cycle of self-hate, you can embody the love and support that every child deserves.

Ultimately, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many share similar experiences. It’s admirable that you continue to raise your child, even when you feel like you have little love left to give. Together, we can foster self-love not only for ourselves but for future generations as well. I am here with you in this struggle, and I believe that through these realizations, we can create a more loving and fulfilling approach to parenting.