Why Parents Are Striving for Perfection: Motherhood Disorder

The Outdated Social Norms of Motherhood

For many women, societal expectations dictate that being a mother is synonymous with being nurturing, affectionate, and fulfilled by the act of parenting. However, for those of us who identify as involuntary parents, this social norm can feel confining and unrealistic. Historically, fifty years ago, career opportunities were scarce for women, leading many to embrace the idea that motherhood was the ultimate source of happiness and meaning. Despite the changing gender landscape, these outdated expectations continue to linger in the collective consciousness.

The Quest for Perfection

For those who dream of becoming parents, parenting itself is a joy. But for someone like me—who stepped into parenthood out of obligation rather than personal desire—finding meaning in it became essential. And that search was agonizing. I tried to anchor my role in perfection, following social norms: cooking immaculate meals, keeping an impeccably organized home, and creating an idyllic environment for my family. While I pursued these ideals, I soon realized that they only served to drain my energy and detract from the true joy of living. The expectation to find fulfillment solely from parenting can lead to feelings of inadequacy and burnout when you don't fit into that mold.

Finding Real You Through Parenting

To my fellow parents who stepped into this role unwillingly, I encourage you to reflect on why you became a parent. Understanding that can help you forgive yourself and, in turn, reconnect with who you truly are. For me, that journey led to rediscovering my passion for music.

This tune was written when I was expecting my daughter. It was finally in my first album released from a label in the U.S. after parenting.

Parenting can act as a catalyst for recognizing and honing our unique talents. By leveraging the skills we’ve developed through parenting—such as patience, coaching, strategic planning, and a flexible perspective—we can explore and cultivate our gifts beyond motherhood.

Just to recap, redefining what it means to be a parent can be empowering. I believe parenthood accelerates your search for meaning and significance rather than holding you back. It allows us to pursue our dreams and aspirations while being present for our children. So, when you feel exhausted, remember that it is entirely okay to forget about healthy cooking and tidy home. Enjoy your journey, and step into the fullness of who you are, liberated from the need for perfection.