The Truth About Self-Esteem : No One Tells Parents

Is Self-Esteem Really That Important?

Do you ever question your self-esteem? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with feelings of inadequacy—but according to Japanese psychologist Sayoko Nobuta, low self-esteem isn’t just a personal failing. In her recent book, she suggests that what we often view as an internal flaw may, in fact, be shaped by external forces.

Where Self-Esteem Comes From

Nobuta highlights how our self-worth is deeply influenced by our surroundings—societal expectations, family dynamics, and the roles we’re expected to play. Especially as parents, we may take full responsibility for our perceived shortcomings, but doing so can blind us to how much our environment shapes our inner dialogue.

In my case, I believe my low self-esteem stemmed from growing up with a strict mother whose standards were always high. During my years of parenting, I was often dissatisfied with how things turned out. Looking back, I regret not enjoying that time more, and I hope you can experience parenthood with a lighter heart than I did.

A Better Alternative to Blame

Instead of turning low self-esteem into self-blame, try transforming it into a source of creativity. Acknowledging your feelings without judgment can open the door to new perspectives. For example, if you’re struggling with how to measure your child’s success, consider adjusting your standards to something more flexible and joyful. This shift—from perfection to progress—can bring both relief and inspiration.

During my parenting years, I honestly didn’t think my daughter was exceptional. I blamed myself, believing it was my fault that her outcomes didn’t meet my expectations. I carried that weight, thinking I hadn’t done enough or done it right. But now, she’s thriving in her career, relationships, and family life. I wish I had appreciated those earlier days more—even if things didn’t look perfect at the time. So I’m telling you now: no worries. Be happy. Your child will shine in their own time.

Moving Forward with Self-Compassion

Low self-esteem can be daunting, but it’s a universal part of being human. Next time you feel inadequate, pause and consider the external factors that might be influencing that feeling. You are not broken. And blaming yourself won’t improve situations.

Instead, how about nurturing your creativity—whether through writing, art, or connection with others. These small acts of self-expression can guide you toward healing. In my case, concentrating on my job and hobby helped me shift my focus and regain motivation.

Ultimately, self-esteem rises and falls, but it doesn’t define your worth. Celebrate your efforts, even on your low days. It’s not about chasing perfection—it’s about embracing your value on this beautiful journey.