The Simplest Tip in Habit Formation for Children

The Challenging Charm of Habit Formation

Habit formation offers numerous benefits, primarily streamlining daily tasks and freeing up mental energy for more complex endeavors. You can do any difficult task effortlessly, if only you could make it a habit.

However, creating good habits in children can often feel like an uphill battle, as I experienced with my daughter. One simple task—bringing the empty milk bottle to the case outside our door—turned into a challenge that highlighted how difficult it can be to instill habits in young minds. When my daughter was in elementary school, we had a routine where milk was delivered every morning. The delivery person took the empty bottle away, but my daughter’s procrastination meant that the task didn’t get completed consistently.

Reflecting on My Approach

As parents, we often assume that verbal reminders will be enough for our children to follow through with their responsibilities. I would tell my daughter every day to take the bottle out; however, each time she would put it off. Over time, my impatience grew, and the milk company grew increasingly annoyed with our inconsistent participation. Eventually, I reached a point where I felt irritated and I gave up, which only worsened the situation when they decided to stop delivery altogether. This was a wake-up call for me. Instead of merely instructing her, I should have taken the time to act together with her when instilling this habit; the presence and guidance of a parent can truly make a difference.

My Shameful Mistakes

Through this experience, I realized how important patience is when it comes to habit formation. Much like my composition teacher Mr. Ikeda, who patiently guided me through my learning process until I mastered my skills, children also benefit from that same level of support and understanding. I forgot what the teacher told me and made the same mistakes over and over when writing scores. But he was always calm, never mentioning “ I told you before”.

Even if you’ve made the same mistakes I did, don’t worry. In Japan, there’s a saying: “門前の小僧、習わぬ経を読む” — “A young monk at the temple gate recites a sutra he never learned.”

Because the monk hears the sutras every day, he ends up being able to recite them, even without understanding their meaning.

In the same way, if you repeatedly say positive things to your children, your words will eventually resonate with them and leave a lasting impact.

My daughter has grown into someone who puts in consistent effort — and I believe those small, repeated messages helped her get there.

In short, fostering habits in our children requires more than just reminders; it requires partnership, engagement, and above all, patience. By working with them instead of against them, we can create an environment where tasks become second nature. So, if you're struggling with your child's habit formation, remember that your role is crucial, and don’t hesitate to get involved alongside them until that habit is established and makes them shine.