The Kingdom of Parenting: What Happens IF You’re A Silent Tyrant

The Kingdom of Parenting

Being a parent is something like being a king or queen—a figure of supreme authority. We often walk a fine line between guiding our children and giving them the freedom to express who they are. Reflecting on my own upbringing, I realized how much my parents’ assertive ways shaped my choices. As a child, I longed for more control over my hairstyle, clothing, friendships and schools. But their strong influence left little room for individuality.

The Failed Trial of Overturning the Past

Now, as a mother myself, I approached parenting with caution, determined not to impose my will on my daughter. I wanted to avoid overshadowing her independence with my authority. Still, one day she said something that struck me:

“You didn’t force me to do anything, but I always felt a silent irritation from you.”

I was stunned. I had tried so hard not to interfere, yet she could still sense subtle pressure. It was a profound revelation—how even silent expectations can shape a child’s sense of freedom.

She often says, “You’re my ideal role model,” and while I treasure those words, I now realize that in striving to be ideal, I may have unintentionally created an atmosphere too tightly wrapped in expectation. Ironically, despite my efforts to be an understanding parent, I carry deep regret. I don’t want others to follow the same path without reflection. Influence doesn’t always come from what we say—it often lives in how we act, feel, and react.

Your Child Is Smarter Than You Think

Children possess remarkable intuition. In my daughter’s case, she not only absorbed the positive aspects of me, but also recognized and steered away from my mistakes. She chose to attend the same top university I did and now works in a similar field(in different industries), leading major projects—yet it was entirely her decision.

Through this, I learned that control isn’t necessary. What matters more is building trust and open communication. You can guide gently, without creating tension or pressure.

In Japan, there’s an old saying:

“A young monk by the gate of a temple recites a sutra he has never learned.”

Even without explicit teaching, children absorb what they need. They don’t require you to map out every step—they need your faith, your presence, and your quiet encouragement as they find their own way.

So please be mindful of your influence. Your actions speak louder than your words. And most of all, trust that your child is capable of finding potential —not as a copy of you, but as a strong, unique individual in their own right.