Philosophy Before Words: A Japanese Way to Deeper Parenting

Do You Remember the Euphoria?

Words can hurt.

Yet every parent experiences a profound, often indescribable joy as they watch their child hover on the brink of spoken language.

Before little ones utter their first words, there exists a unique bond that transcends verbal communication.

This unspoken understanding creates a powerful and emotional connection — pure and instinctive.

As parents, we sometimes overlook this extraordinary phase, allowing misunderstandings to arise as we transition into a world dominated by words.

Pure Experience: Kitaro Nishida’s Perspective

Japanese philosopher Kitaro Nishida(1870-1945) explored the idea of feelings before words emerge.

He spoke of “pure experience,” a state where genuine emotions exist prior to language — the very foundation of our being.

When we experience the world without words, we often become more attuned to our surroundings — and, naturally, to our children.

Returning to a Wordless Understanding

As children grow and begin to speak, we may find ourselves frustrated, struggling to articulate feelings that once seemed effortlessly shared.

It’s easy to forget: sincerity in communication does not depend on the right words, but on returning to that “before words” state.

Nishida tried to express this in his philosophy.

He believed that even when life feels meaningless, something warm and nameless still permeates the world — and it saves us.

As a young man, Nishida himself despaired over the meaning of life.

Yet, beyond meaning, he sensed something deep and comforting: unnamed, but profoundly real.

In my own experience, I sometimes felt lonely when my intentions weren’t fully recognized by my daughter.

Yet after a few years, she seemed to understand naturally — not through compromise, but through a genuine connection.

Children may not immediately grasp our long-term visions or emotional subtleties, but over time, they grow into this deeper comprehension.

As they mature, moments of clarity unfold — they begin to see beyond words, connecting with the true feelings that motivate them: love, care, and presence.

It’s essential for parents to remember that communication isn’t limited to language.

A child’s emotional literacy evolves gradually.

Trusting this slow process is key.

The words we eventually exchange will never perfectly capture the depth of our feelings, but nurturing a space where emotions are consistently felt and acknowledged bridges the gap.

So as parents, don’t worry if words sometimes feel clumsy.

Embrace the raw, preverbal connection.

Cherish the moments of pure experience with your child.

It is this unseen foundation that will guide your relationship for years to come.

Please remember — love speaks volumes, even in silence.