Parenting Is Not a Courtroom: Justice Can Wait—Love Can’t

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Being a parent is a contradicting journey filled with a whirlwind of emotions. As a parent, you often find yourself navigating the fine line between affection and frustration, especially when facing a child’s unfavorable attitude. One striking truth is that for parents who aren’t deeply engaged in parenting, the more they love their child, the more easily they’re frustrated by the child’s negative behavior. This simple paradox brings us to the realization that family is not a court, and you are not a judge or a jury.

Redefining Your Expectations

Before becoming a parent, I had already experienced the challenging nature of children, so my expectations for parenting were low. While many people begin the journey of parenthood with dreams of creating a warm, harmonious family, reality often tells a different story. Disappointments can arise, especially when confronted with the daily trials of supporting a child. Particularly, preparing for significant milestones, such as junior-high entrance exams, can add a layer of stress and frustration both for you and your child. As a parent who wasn’t particularly invested in parenting at first, I understand how hard it can be to recalibrate your expectations and remind yourself—especially in trying moments—that kids will naturally have their moments of defiance.

Prioritize What Matters Most

Just like my own experience with my daughter, in moments of conflict and frustration, parents often face a critical decision: to hold on to feelings of injustice or to focus on their primary responsibility—guiding your child.

Honestly, I had doubts about whether prioritizing academic achievement over moral values was the right thing to do. A strong academic background is certainly helpful in life, but I used to believe that having a good moral compass mattered more.

But then I had second thoughts. During milestone periods—like preparing for important exams—the practical task of getting your child ready often has to take precedence over moral ideals. It’s natural to feel angry or misunderstood in those moments, but it’s essential to channel that frustration wisely. Your child may simply not be mature enough yet to grasp the meaning behind your efforts as a parent.

When you prioritize actions that lead to growth and understanding, you foster a nurturing environment that encourages your child to overcome their challenges—both academically and emotionally. When caught up in the turmoil of feeling mistreated or frustrated by a temperamental phase, take a moment to look in the mirror—do you resemble an angry judge handing down punishment?

One day, there might come a time when our children regret how they treated us—or maybe not, because parents and children are different people with different perspectives. Either way, all we can do is give our best for their sake.

In my case, my daughter seems to have forgotten all about the junior high exam period—and I’m perfectly satisfied with that. She’s happy now, working in her dream job, thanks in part to her school history. And more importantly, she has grown into someone compassionate and full of love. That means everything to me.

Ultimately, parenting requires flexibility. Feeling angry or frustrated is perfectly okay—your sense of justice matters, and it plays an important role in raising a child. But instead of pouring all that emotional energy into moments of conflict, try saving some of it for when communication flows more easily. Reuse it then, when your child is ready to hear you.

The key to surviving these turbulent times isn’t to judge our children, but to remember that parenting is a sustainable journey—a long, evolving process of learning how to support our kids more creatively, and how to shine as someone who leads with both love and responsibility.