Japanese Reverse Tip of Parental Guidance : Helping Our Children’s Uncertainty with Zen

What is ‘Uncertainty’ in Parenting

Do you believe everything will turn out fine in the end? Or that nothing will work out, no matter how hard we try? When it comes to raising a child, neither view is entirely true.

We often hear about surrendering to uncertainty, especially in yoga mantras. But surrender doesn’t mean giving up hope or stepping back from guidance. It means trusting the process while still offering support. It’s worthwhile to doubt hope for a child’s future while equipping them with the tools to find their own way.

Take my daughter, for example — she dreamed of a career in planning, yet showed little interest in her studies.

The Meaning of Parental Involvement

After discussing her situation with her admirable junior high school teacher, it became clear that my involvement could make a difference. The teacher encouraged me to study alongside her, emphasizing that this partnership would create a conducive learning environment. Despite my own disinterest in studying, I decided to give this opportunity a try. I recognized that creativity could transform our study sessions into fun and enjoyable experiences, re-engaging my daughter with her education.

Surprising Perspectives on Hope

A profound statement from Japanese Zen monk Daitetsu Seki suggested that 'there's no hope in the young,' despite how society may view and pamper them. This perspective challenges parents to realize that we cannot solely rely on the hope that everything will turn out alright. Instead, we play an essential role in risk management and ensuring our children’s lives are filled with opportunities for success. By actively engaging in their learning and preparing them for future challenges, we empower them to build a brighter future.

With patience and creativity, my daughter gradually began to find joy and meaning in her studies. Eventually, she secured a position at one of Japan’s top 1.5% large enterprises, moving closer to her aspirations. Our efforts helped remove the barriers that once made learning feel irrelevant.

This journey revealed that surrendering to uncertainty does not mean abandoning personal responsibility. As parents, we cannot rely solely on vague hope—we must actively engage in our children’s growth and development.

Just to recap, the path to achieving hopes and dreams for our children lies in our active involvement. We can't afford to simply hope everything will work out; instead, we must support, encourage, and guide them every step of the way. By doing so, they have the power to carve out their shining paths.