Is ‘No Pain, No Gain’ The Rule in Parenting? : Here’s the Missing Piece

The Complexity of Parenting

Parenting is a more complicated journey than our personal one, full of ups and downs, and it often makes us question: is the adage 'no pain, no gain' true in parenting? From my experience, the answer is both yes and no, as the outcome truly depends on the individual circumstances and choices made along the way.

Everyone Has Golden Balance

For many parents, including myself, the early years are filled with sacrifices. I rarely took time for myself—over two decades, I could count my nights out on one hand. And yet, as a composer and pianist, I’ve learned that in creative fields, success isn’t always proportional to effort. While hard work is essential, it doesn’t always lead to the recognition or results we hope for.

While putting in the effort as a parent is essential, success for children can come from various avenues. For some parents, enjoying life and socializing during parenting can yield equally successful outcomes for their children. This multifaceted nature of parenting suggests that different approaches can lead to fulfilling results.

Beyond Outcomes

Ultimately, I believe the fulfillment we gain from parenting doesn’t depend solely on our children’s achievements. Even if we take the occasional night out for ourselves—or if our child doesn’t reach the top of their class—we can still feel proud. That pride can come from the effort we put into the journey, not just the result.

If you constantly deny yourself enjoyment and push through parenting with frustration, your child may sense that tension. And in such an environment, it’s hard to expect a truly positive outcome.

When my daughter’s junior-high entrance exams didn’t go well, I was naturally disappointed. But because I knew I had done everything I could to support her, I was able to accept the result and move on within two months.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter not just because she has achieved general success, but because of the strong bond and the experiences we shared. The growth we encountered together is what stands out, giving me a sense of accomplishment that transcends societal metrics of success.

In short, 'no pain, no gain' in parenting might hold some truth, but it's essential to recognize that fulfillment comes from the journey itself. As each family navigates this complex path, it’s important to remember that parenting is about doing your best, and that itself is a significant achievement. Our kids’ successes—or lack thereof—do not solely define the quality or result of our efforts as parents. Let’s cherish the memories created, and find pride in the love and support shared along the way.