How to Get Unexpected Victory in Parenting: Fisherman’s Profit in Japan

The Benefit of Involuntary Parenting

In many cultures, including Japan, the decision to have children can sometimes feel socially obligatory. I became a parent because of this pressure. Nevertheless I believe my parenting was successful because I was an involuntary parent. Unlike voluntary parents who often dream of high ideals and specific visions for their children, involuntary parents may approach parenthood with a less predetermined mindset. This openness can prove beneficial, eliminating unwelcome expectations upon children allowing them to explore their potential freely.

Gyofu-no-ri: Fulfillment Beyond Greed

One Japanese proverb that encapsulates this idea is 漁夫の利(gyofu-no-ri), or "fisherman's profit." : A story about a disinterested third party reaping the benefits while two greedy people are fighting. This is an example of how being selfless leads to victory. In the context of parenting, it implies that sometimes, it is better to let go of high expectations and allow events to unfold naturally. For example, I didn’t expect my daughter to go to prestigious university. My only wish was she would find her fulfilling way. But she wanted to challenge application to high ranking universities. Involuntary parents, who often don’t hold lofty ideals, can reap the rewards of a sincere and genuine connection with their children.

Celebrating the Journey of All Parents

Voluntary parents are fully able to enjoy parenting as their life works. I imagine how exciting it were to have sparkling dreams about children’s future. But at the same time, it's important to note that high expectations can sometimes lead to disappointment. Regardless of whether one is a voluntary or involuntary parent, there is tremendous value in each experience. What matters most is the unconditional love and time spent together, instead of focusing on the outcome.

So, let us embrace and be proud of our roles as parents, acknowledging that regardless of how we arrived at this point—whether through design or circumstance—every parent is a genuine V.I.P. to the future of this world .