Love Or Fear?: A Wingsuit in Parenting

Flying Through Our Fears as Parents

Parenting can often evoke feelings of anxiety and stress. It's natural for parents to worry about the repercussions of their children's actions, stemming from a fear of societal judgment or negative outcomes. A renowned wingsuit flyer once encapsulated these feelings with the words, 'yes, no, fear'. This phrase resonates deeply in parenting, where many decisions are influenced by the fear of the unknown. We ask ourselves, 'What if bad things happen if my child behaves like this?' or 'What will the neighbors think of my child's attitude?'

Universal Fear v. s. New Challenges

Consider the journey of a wingsuit flyer, who must complete a minimum of 200 skydives to hone their skills before taking to the skies. Despite their expertise, they still encounter fear. Such fear is not only an intrinsic part of their preparation but a universal emotion shared by all beginners in any field. This indicates that fear is a natural response to challenges, and it applies equally in parenting. In Japan, a society deeply rooted in social conformity, the fear of being blamed for a child's mistakes can be overwhelming for parents.

A Wing of Love as a Guiding Principle

However, amidst this fear, there's an alternative mindset we can embrace—love. A meditation teacher offered profound advice: 'love or fear? Choose love.' This perspective shifts our approach to parenting and encourages us to react with compassion instead of fear. For instance, when a parent told me that my eight-year-old daughter had taken an offering from a shrine, I opted not to accuse her harshly. Instead, I recognized that her action stemmed from a place of mischief, not malice. In that moment, I chose to address her behavior with understanding and love, reinforcing that kindness is more potent than fear.

By choosing love, we empower ourselves to foster a more positive environment for our children, allowing them to learn from their mistakes without the weight of parental guilt or blame. This approach not only benefits our children by helping them grow but also alleviates some pressure on us as parents.

Since then, my daughter has never engaged in shoplifting or any kind of petty crime and has grown into a well-organized adult.

In short, fear may be a natural part of parenting, because we’re all beginners. It's helpful to recognize when it influences our decisions and how we interact with our children. By embracing love over fear, we create a nurturing space where both parents and children can thrive together. After all, just as experienced wingsuit flyers learn to navigate their fears, we too can navigate the complex world of parenting—with a heart as free as a bird.